Letting Go
by IthinkIthinktoomuch
Summary: Simon had been in love with Clary for years. But he knows he can't have her. It breaks him inside, but he knows he has to let go.


Author's Note:  
>This is the first thing I actually seriously wrote to publish on Fan-fiction so please be nice in reviews. I appreciate constructive criticism but please don't flame. So I myself am not too sure what this actually is. I guess I'm just going through Simon's thoughts and emotions and stuff :P<p>

I came up with the first part about Simon and Clary when they were kids. I did not steal ideas from anyone. :)

Disclaimer:  
>I do not own the Mortal Instruments series. I do not own Clary, or Jace. And although I sincerely wish I owned Simon, I don't. *sobs* Anyway one with the story! ^_^<p>

Letting Go

Simon had been with Clary for over 10 years. The two of them weren't just close, they had an inseparable bond between them that nothing could ever ever break. It wasn't merely the genuine and sincere care the two had for each other. It was also the amount of time they had given to each other, the time they would never get back.

Simon had always hoped that the time he had spent together with Clary would have maybe shown her how much he cares for her, had hoped that she would realize he loved her. She never did though. Maybe that was one of the reasons he loved her?

Simon loved watching Clary when she would shut off the world and drift off. He loved the gazed look in her eyes. He thought it was amazing how she could always come up with stories and worlds in her head. Many years ago, when the two had just met, Simon had seen Clary staring off into space. He tried attracting her attention ; waving his hands in front of her face, clapping his hands, snapping his fingers. Yet she remained motionless.

Simon saw something in her expression, something that seemed otherworldly. He hadn't met anyone like her before. Someone who could so easily cast themselves off to their fantasies. Simon shook Clary out of her daze, and she in turn looked at Simon with that innocent face that only a little girl could give. When Simon asked her what she had been daydreaming about, Clary told him she had been daydreaming about fantasies. She went into telling him the stories that had been going through her head. She told the stories vividly, stories of princes and princesses, chivalrous knights, amusing jesters, fairies and witches and warlocks. And while she told them, she drew the characters out on paper, telling the stories she had created through pictures and words.

By that day, Simon knew she was special. They grew close and over the years, Simon grew to like her more and more. At one point, Simon realized that he loved Clary, not as a sister or a best friend, but as someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

He did spend a majority of his life with Clary. Physically that is. Many times when they were together, Simon would merely watch as Clary's mind drifted off, and he would listen to the stories she would tell of magical creatures and mythical beings. He would always wish he could go with her into her surreal fantasies. He got to watching anime with her, playing video games with her, they did almost everything together. It was probably safe to say that he wouldn't have turned out anywhere near how he did had it not been for Clary. He wouldn't have been able to dream and hope as much as he did had he not been with Clary.

When he was with Clary that night at the Pandemonium, he didn't believe Clary to be a girl to make a big deal about what she saw had she been lying. He truly believed her about the blonde guy killing someone. He did it against reason, but love made him crazy, didn't it?

When he was to confess to Clary and she abruptly left, he felt disappointed and went to look for her. And when Clary told him all about the world of Shadowhunters and demons and magic and myths, he felt hopeful. He hoped this would finally allow him and her to finally be in the same world, that in this world she might just pay more attention to him and fall for him. But it didn't take more than one glance at Jace to figure out that he would probably never win Clary's heart.

It didn't seem likely that some blonde that suddenly appeared would steal his best friend's heart, but he couldn't deny that everything that had already happened was unlikely in itself. He told himself that he still had a chance at Clary. He thought he lost it when he saw Clary and Jace together in the hallway, and he told him he got it back again when the two thought they were siblings.

But the thing was, in his heart, he never really believed he would get the girl. He was some plain human, considered as nothing more than a skinny nerd with glasses. He knew he would never be able to compare to the muscly mysterious blonde. But he still tried to earn her love, because he truly did unconditionally love her. But even so, he could not bear knowingly being lead on. He broke off what he and Clary called a romantic relationship because he knew his love was unrequited, because he did not want to accept fake love from her. It broke his heart to see Clary pretend to love him. Simon had been with her for years, she should have known he could see through her facade.

Simon knew breaking the relationship off was the right thing to do, but it still broke him on the inside. He could no longer avoid the truth that Clary would never love him the way he did her. He could no longer tell himself that she would grow to love him back in time. He had to face the truth that all those years, his love for her had amounted to nothing. He only wished he could blame it all on Jace for stealing Clary's heart, but he knew it would never mean anything. Clary never loved him in that way and she never would have, no matter what thad happened.

Maybe he could've fooled himself longer if he was still human. But he wasn't. He was immortal and would never grow older, would never get to grow old and die with his loved ones. Instead he would be forced to watch as _they_ grew old and died. He could no longer hang onto the small string of hope that his love relationship with Clary would ever work, for there were none left to hang on to. Perhaps there never was.

Simon would do anything for the people he cared about. He was willing to go through heartbreak, sorrow, grief, to keep them happy. His loved ones made sacrifices to keep him alive. Maybe he wasn't trained in fighting, but he just as strong, stronger even, than anyone he knew. And his willpower and passion; his kindness and heart; they were possibly the strongest on earth. He would wear the Mark of Cain for eternity, wandering the earth. His loved ones would never want him to give up and die, and he never would. He wouldn't give up on anyone he cares about, especially himself. He would make best of what he had.

But as Simon wandered, he was not aimless. He was searching for that person, that one special person, that he could love and who loved him. They say that love lasts forever. Maybe Simon would never forget the girls he had loved before, but he could not live for eternity alone. Simon yearned for a person he loved and who loved him, someone he could spend eternity with. And that person existed. Sometime, somewhere, they would meet, and she would be the girl Simon loved. The only girl who he wouldn't have to let go.


End file.
